


Intoxicated

by SpookyStar29



Category: NCIS
Genre: F/F, Fear, Friends to Lovers, Uncertainty
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-22
Updated: 2020-05-26
Packaged: 2021-03-02 20:00:44
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 5
Words: 7,077
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24322432
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SpookyStar29/pseuds/SpookyStar29
Summary: Hollis has a boyfriend and though she is happy for her, Jack realizes that she can't help falling for her friend.She thinks she had it all under control – until one evening changes everything …
Relationships: Hollis Mann/Jacqueline "Jack" Sloane
Comments: 8
Kudos: 16





	1. No escaping of my heart

**Author's Note:**

  * For [moxyphinx](https://archiveofourown.org/users/moxyphinx/gifts).



At the beginning of their friendship, it had only been the two of them.   
Further going, Ellie joined in, and Kasie, and the guys, and some of Hollis’ friends from work.   
Then, it was the three of them, sometimes. Her, Hollis, and that handsome, darkskinned guy she met after a coffee disaster on her way to work. And she had nothing against it. God, she adored Hollis boyfriend Aron. He was funny, good looking, and he treated her well. It kind of had helped her to accept and live with her feelings knowing that Hollis was happy – her happiness was more important and valuable than her own desire.

But about five weeks ago something had shifted. Hollis spent more time with her, alone with her. She went out with her friends. Without Aron.   
She had sensed it. The tension.   
Something was wrong.

After approximately four days of behaving differently than a woman in love, of not being Hollis, she had told her that they were going through a “phase”. Which was normal in every relationship.

True, Jack knew that. What wasn’t normal was that she seemed to avert the topic like she avoided fire and almost hid under a pile of work.

“We didn’t even have sex in weeks!”, Hollis exasperated one another evening – that was almost two weeks later, the evening they met for some Ally McBeal episodes and sweet potatoes and burgers. Jack was glad she could smirk about that sentence, even though she knew her dirty mind wouldn’t let her sleep in peace that night.   
Well, not that it had since the past weeks, and months. If anyone would KNEW what she was dreaming or thinking sometimes, that person could have an orgasm.   
“Oh. Well that must be hard for you.”  
Hollis rolled her eyes at the pit. “You know what I mean by that.”  
Jack decided to stop teasing her, sensing more than just lack of certain physical activities. “No. I don’t. I’m a psychologist, not a mind reader.”  
Hollis relaxed her shoulders and exhaled loudly through her nose. “What I mean is … we’re not close anymore. Not physically and not emotionally, and it annoys me.” She signed. “And yes, I DO miss the sex, too.”   
Jack smirked at that, and her friend did too, but she knew there was more to it – only HOW MUCH more she couldn’t know at that time.

*

She was a curious person, but she wasn’t sneaky. At least she tried not to be. But … well, she couldn’t help being a very good reader of emotions.   
Whatever Hollis and her lover went through didn’t leave her unrattled. And the fact she stopped complaining or explaining wasn’t a very good sign.   
One evening she almost contemplated about calling Aron. She didn’t.

*

They were in the kitchen. Hollis’ kitchen. She had no idea what time of the day, or what day in general it was, it didn’t matter. The only thing that mattered was Hollis’ hand making slow, teasing circling moves on her thigh, moving closer and closer to her aching core. She was sitting on the counter, Hollis standing between her knees, and still, she was way too far away from her. She wasn’t subtle about nonverbally showing her what she wanted, almost grinding against her hand, making uncontrollable noises, and she didn’t feel embarrassed about it at all.   
“Do you want that?” She felt the woman’s breath on her skin right under her ear and fought against the urge to moan.   
She didn’t succeed, though.   
“Okay.” Hollis started attacking her throat, and Jack saw nothing but stars. Saw nothing but stars and felt nothing but deep, heated desire.   
Only vague she felt Hollis pulling out her dress shirt, but her touch on her stomach’s skin set her on fire. Hollis slipped her hand under the hem of her pants, under her panties, and eased her finger inside her. She didn’t conceal the loud moan escaping her lips. Not this time.   
“Fuck me”, she breathed.   
Hollis pulled back, eyes flashing like daggers of green fire met hers.   
She didn’t say anything, didn’t have to. And then …

Jack jolted awake.   
It was dark around her, dark and cool, and she was sweaty and _holy shit, aroused._  
For fuck’s sake. Shit. Again.   
She had dreamed about it AGAIN.

Those dreams weren’t always about sex … but, well, mostly. Especially since the last two or three weeks.

If she were treating herself, the conversation maybe would go like following:

_“Doctor Sloane, I am desperate. I don’t know what to do.”  
“Jacqueline, you have to ask herself if you have feelings for this woman or if it’s just some kind of forbidden, sexual desire.”  
“Both”, Jacqueline would say.   
And Doctor Sloane would say …_

Yeah, what would Doctor Sloane say?   
She had no idea. Because if she had, she wouldn’t be having this dilemma.

And she wouldn’t talk to Grace about that, no. She COULDN’T talk about that with ANYONE, not even Leon. Hell, probably _especially_ not Leon. He knew Hollis, he knew Gibbs, and …

A groaning, annoyed noise interrupted the silence, only for Jack to realize it was her.   
This was like some kind of horribly edited soap opera with her in the main role, a deadly love triangle with cheating and secrets and sex dreams, and she was acting like an absolutely miserable, lovesick middle aged woman. Because she felt miserable.

How could things ever go back to how they had once been?


	2. Shattered

Another two weeks later, as they met, Hollis was tense.   
Not only tense. Pissed.

“I don’t want to talk about him”, she said as Jack dropped a slight hint about “how it was going”. “Not now.” Hollis raised her glass to her lips. She was on her second already. “So. Are we gonna watch that movie?” That was all she said.   
Jack was reluctant, but she gave in. Whenever Hollis didn’t want to talk, one shouldn’t push her. She wouldn’t win a fight against this one anyway.

They watched the movie, ate their dinner, drank their wine, didn’t really talk. Which was okay.   
Usually.   
Not today.   
Jack hated it whenever she was with someone and it felt as if SHE had done something wrong. Especially when it was with the person she … had a crush on. She forbid herself using the expression of “being in love”, because that made the fact that it could never happen even harder to bear.

At some point, after cleaning the plates and finding themselves back on the couch, she couldn’t take it anymore, though.   
“You do know that at some point, you have to let it out.”   
“What.” Hollis swallowed another sip of whine. “You are my friend Jack, not my therapist. And especially no couple therapist, so …” She let the sentence hang in the air, but Jack didn’t catch it anyways. Her mind was stuck on that one sentence.

_You’re my friend._

Jack clenched her jaw as she felt moistness dwelling up in her eyes.   
Yes. But she felt things normal friends shouldn’t feel for each other. And the fact that Aron suddenly didn’t seem to be the nice, perfect guy anymore made her hate him, as much as it annoyed her. She knew there were always both sides of the story, and she knew very well that Hollis could be a pain in the ass if she wanted to, but …   
Yes, she couldn’t be the one to judge, because she was taking positions. And knowing that some guy turned her friend, HER Hollis, into a sad and depressed woman she didn’t like at all.   
The fact she felt needy and horny every time she looked into her eyes or whenever Hollis wore a V-neck shirt didn’t help a bit.

 _I could treat you better,_ her lovesick brain – or better, her heart – whispered to her. _  
No you couldn’t,_ her brain fought back, _because she doesn’t love you back._

Oh, the truth hurt.   
It really did.

“But I’m always there for you. You can talk to me about anything, you know that?” How she found the courage to speak she didn’t know since her throat was constricting more and more.   
Short silence.   
“Anything?” For the first time of the evening Hollis looked at her, fully.   
Jack concentrated. Concentrated of appearing like the caring friend, the alias she was acting out for the past months, nodding, smiling even. “Of course.”

They stared at each other. And then it happened. It just happened. Hollis leaned in, but that she didn’t even quite realize because suddenly she was so close, and her heart jumped, and everything around her became blurry …   
And she kissed her.   
Hollis KISSED her.

The first thing she felt was shock. For a whole slow, two seconds she sat there like frozen.   
And then … then her brain went on shut down and her heart, her instinct, her feelings took over. Her hand went into Hollis’ neck, her left arm around her torso and she pulled her close, so close they were flush again each other. She couldn’t help the moan escaping her throat as Hollis’ tongue begged for entrance only moments later, as well as she also couldn’t resist to reciprocate. And those little signs the woman of her dreams – literally - made during the kiss didn’t help her stamina at all.

And then her conscious returned and her eyes snapped open.   
“Wait. STOP!”  
And Hollis stopped. Only … only in the movement, the corner of her mouth still resting against Jack’s upper lip, and she could feel her breath.   
“We can’t do this”, Jack whispered, fighting for her countenance, because right now she wanted anything but stop – all she wanted was to pin her down and kiss every inch of her, and …  
“Why.” Hollis voice was low and hoarse – the pure definition of sexiness.

Jack started at her in complete disbelieve. _Why?  
Because you are in a relationship!   
Because you are in a relationship with a MAN!   
Because we are friends!   
Because this can’t work out!_

“I know you want it too.”   
She didn’t know why she said what she said. “I do, but …”  
“No “but”.” Hollis leaned against her, her hand moving up to her cheek in an almost caressing, soft way, even though her former forcefulness didn’t mirror that.   
Jack, against every fiber of her body, took her strength together and pulled away, tears threatening to come up in her eyes. “Holly, don’t. PLEASE.”  
That got to her. She stopped and pulled away, staring at her.   
Jack took a deep, shaky breath. “I can’t do this.”  
Hollis blinked. One, two, three times. “What?” The word came out as almost slurred, another indicating that she had to put a stop to this now, immediately, before she herself would give in. And oh boy, she knew if she would falter a kiss wouldn’t be the only thing that would happened between them.   
Jack swallowed. “Kissing you … without having a chance of more. Knowing you’re in a relationship.”   
Hollis opened her mouth – that mouth she all but wanted to kiss – but she stopped her. “You are drunk.” _  
_For a moment, just this moment, the look of stern-Hollis returned. “Not drunk enough.” Her right eyebrow was slightly raised, her eyes piercing, as if she were trying to stare her down, to convince her.  
She usually was VERY convincing. But right now, Jack knew SHE had to be the rational one.

To protect herself, to protect Hollis from regrets, and to prevent her from cheating on her boyfriend.

“I think it would be better if you’d leave now.” As much as the words hurt, Jack knew the truth about them, the necessity.   
Hollis titled her head. She couldn’t read if that look indicated confusion, hurt or just another time of amusement because Jack was trying to be stern but couldn’t be.   
This time she was. This time, she would stand her ground. She was serious.   
“So you’re kicking me out?”

 _No_ her heart screamed.   
_Hell yeah because you have to sober up_ her mind held against.

Jack closed her eyes, pursed her lips, fought against every urge to not. give. in.   
“God, Hollis.” She shook her head. “Please don’t make this harder than it already is.”   
As her friend didn’t answer nor move, she took a deep breath, braced herself and looked up. Up into those green eyes of hers, into that pretty face, knowing NOTHING would and could ever be the same again after this evening.   
“Sober up, then we talk about it, okay?” She heard her voice cracking.   
She wasn’t sure what she felt as Hollis gave in, nodding. “Okay.”

Another few moments of silence, and then Hollis stood up. She stood up, walked around the couch, towards the door. Jack followed her every move, watched her grab her jacket. She stilled for a moment before reaching out for the door handle. Then she turned her head, gave her a look.

The “good night” was on the tip of her tongue but Jack couldn’t get the word out.

And as Hollis left, she felt as if her heart couldn’t decide between beating excited at the thought she had just being kissed by the woman she craved and adored, or if it should just explode into tiny, hurting pieces.


	3. Perfect reality

They didn’t text nor speak for a whole four days.   
Maybe the worst case had occurred – Hollis realizing what they had done and knowing she couldn’t go on being friends with her anymore.   
Maybe it was better that way. Distance did help sometimes.   
What she should do if anyone asked her what was wrong and why they weren’t meeting anymore … she didn’t know.

It was a Friday evening. A simple, normal, Friday evening.   
At least it was until a knock on her door appeared.   
Jack, not really in the mood of getting up, decided to ignore it. Whoever it was should come back tomorrow, or call her.   
The knock didn’t help, though. And that was when she grew suspicious.   
Someone had made it up to her apartment without ringing the bell, which meant that it might be someone her neighbors knew and they let her in, or …

Before she could recall she was up, at the door, opening it.   
She frowned on the spot.

Jacqueline Sloane had lied to herself, gain. Distance hadn’t helped a bit.

No “Hi Hollis” or “Hi Jack”. No hug, no kiss on the cheek. Just … awkward, strained silence.   
For four seconds.

“I broke up with him.”  
She felt her blood rush in her ears. Slowly, she blinked. “You have to be kidding me.”   
Hollis averted her eyes and without anyone word slipped past her. Jack stood there for another three seconds of bafflement. Then she slowly got to turn around, closed the door and followed her – well, what was she? – “friend” into the living room.

“Because in a drunk moment, we kissed?”   
“No.” Hollis shook her head. “Being drunk clears my mind and helps to discover what I truly feel.” She turned to look at her. Her eyes were soft. Soft and … scared.   
The mighty Hollis Mann was _afraid.  
_ “Because I should I have done that way earlier. Aron and I … we weren’t meant to be. And I only realized it when …” She let the sentence hang in the air, no need to finish it.   
Jack pressed her lips together and took a deep breath.   
“Hollis.” She took her hands. It felt so good and wonderfully familiar and yet it hurt as much as the whippings on her back. “You are way too valuable for me for losing you to a … fling just because you are curious.”  
“I’m not curious. I’m serious.”   
She couldn’t help the snort of laughter. Yeah, right. There she was, Jacqueline Sloane, having feelings for her friend for months and she, Hollis Mann, in the blink of an eye, had just decided she did, too. “How can you be sure?”  
“Because what I felt when I kissed you I haven’t felt with anyone else before.”  
Jack shrugged, forcing herself to not let those words feed her needy, lovesick brain even though they made her heart beat faster and warm her insides. “Might be because I’m a woman. And as much as I recall you have never been with one before.”   
“This isn’t about you gender, Jack. This is about _you_.”

That got to her.   
Shivering she stared up to her, suddenly overly aware of their height difference. “What?” Her voice cracked.   
She wasn’t sure how to interpret the look on Hollis’ face. It looked like a mixture between pain, enthusiasm and determination. “Jack.” Her eyes were blazing as she swallowed and stared her down. “I don’t care about what’s between your legs. I only care about what’s in our heart.”

Her pulse raced, her heart ached. It ached because she knew she shouldn’t, and it ached because she wished she could give in …  
“Please Jack. Give it a chance.” Her pleading voice gave her the rest.   
“Hollis.” She took a deep breath and felt tears stinging in her eyes. “I have been falling for you since months now. You can’t … you can’t just stroll in here and tell me you feel the same because we kissed in a drunk moment.”   
“Why not?” She would have described her as some stubborn child, but the tone in her voice was calm and whispering.   
Jack stared up at her, fiddling for words. “Well because … because it doesn’t work that way!”  
Hollis was still staring at her, unmoving, and not backing down. “How can you be so sure about that?”  
Jack straightened up. “I could ask you the same.”   
“Relationships don’t work like a scheme, Jack. You of all people should know that.”

Yes, she did.   
The heart wants what it wants.

“I’m … I’m complicated.”  
She was tired of fighting against the green eyed beauty in front of her, so she decided to try one last thing to scare her off, to give her a chance to back out, before everything they had would be destroyed just because she was mistaking the sudden urge of being close to someone she really, really liked and was comfortable around with real love.   
Hollis smiled, her eyes shimmered. “You are the most uncomplicated person I ever met. I can’t believe that’s true.”   
Jack opened her mouth to say something to her defense, anything, as she was caught off guard when Hollis reached out and touched her cheek. Her heart stopped for another second.   
“I feel safe around you, Jack. I know I can talk to you about everything, and …”  
“This doesn’t mean you want a relationship just as much as I do.” She heard the way her voice was trembling, mirroring what she felt inside.   
Hollis pursed her lips and she withdrew her hand. As their eyes met again, hers were radiating. “You are scared I’ll break your heart?”  
Jack stared back at her, and for a moment she had nothing to say. She felt her lip tremble, her heart cramped painfully, and she just wanted to run, run away from feelings and bury herself somewhere and cry.   
“Yes”, she said, voice thick with tears.   
Hollis’ own ones got coated with a shimmer. “I cannot fore say the future, that is true. But I’ll swear, nothing will ever come between us. I wo’nt let that happen.”

 _You can’t know that,_ she thought. _No one can predict the future, as well as one can’t change it._

“You aren’t the only one broken, Jack. I got hurt many times before. I know how this feels.”   
“How what feels?” She sniffed. “Never being good enough? Feeling you have to hide the darkest parts of yourself because your partners who claim to love you actually weren’t able to handle you?”  
She saw her swallow. For a moment the old Hollis had returned, the one with the unmistakable strength in her features and the green flame in her eyes. “I know how it feels when you give all but get nothing in return, and you’re being let down and you fall a thousand meters down into a black hole.”  
She took a step closer. Everything inside her told Jack to step back, but she didn’t. She couldn’t. “I will not do this to you, Jack. Never.”  
“I wanna believe you, but …”  
“Tell me how I can prove it to you.”   
She took a deep breath. “I don’t know.”   
“Then let me try it like this.” She placed both her palms around her cheek and caressed her skin with her thumb. “Let me kiss you. Really kiss you.” Jack’s breath hitched. “And listen to your heart.”   
Hollis came closer. Jack wanted to lean in, but she refused.   
The flames were gone now. All what was left was … devotion. “We both want this, Jack. Please don’t fight it.” Her eyes were sparkling, pleading, her voice whispering. “Please don’t deny it.”   
Jack swallowed and felt tears stinging in her eyes. “I don’t want to deny it.”

Because yes, that was true. She didn’t want to fight anymore. She didn’t want to make everyone believe she was fine even though she was not, and she was so sick of being lonely.   
Of feeling alone.

“I swear to you, Jack.” She felt her grabbing her hands. “I swear by my name, by my life, that I will never, ever hurt you.” She raised their hands, pressed a kiss on her knuckles and held her gaze. Jack shivered. “This is my oath to you. And you know how much an oath means to every soldier.”   
The shiver turned into a tear running out of her eye. One, two. And a third one. Jack took a deep, raging breath and couldn’t think of anything she should say … but she didn’t have to.   
Hollis understood. And she pulled her close and hugged her, her cheek warm against Jack’s temple, her body flush to hers, like a solid, soft rock, her sanctuary, and Jack _knew_ the last thing she wanted was to run or move away from her.   
“Don’t cry, beautiful.” Her voice was the smoothest, softest and most emotional thing she had ever heard in her entire life, and she wasn’t sure what it was that made her tremble from head to toe. She felt Hollis’ fingertips in her hair and she turned her head, whispered in her ear: “Everything is going to be fine. WE are going to be fine.”

The kiss to her temple was what broke the spell. Without second thoughts Jack turned her face and her skin turned blazing hot as their noses brushed. She ripped her eyes open and her heart jumped, then began beating like crazy, and then … slowed down.   
Suddenly she was calm.   
She was calm and … she felt protected.   
Hollis’ face was only inches from hers, she could read every line, every wrinkle on her face, read it like a mysterious map. Her green eyes, deep and full of devotion and magical like a sea of jade and emerald. Her eyes darted to her lips, then up to her eyes again.   
They both didn’t speak but moved closer in synch as if they were opposite poles of one magnet, both being drawn to each other. Jack’s eyes fell close only a second before their lips touched, gentle this time, almost hesitant. It felt as if there were sparks between them, small, little lightning’s tickling and burning and healing every scar on her body and inside her soul, and it felt _wonderful_.   
The went slow with exploring each other’s lips, and even though they had kissed before, it felt as if it was the first time. To be honest Jack felt as if this were her first kiss with a woman _ever_ – it was knew, it was exciting, and it was absolutely breathtaking.   
Intoxicating in the best way possible.

Jack exhaled as they pulled apart but their foreheads still touched. They both were silent as they stood, Jack’s mind spinning. Then she reached up to put a strand of hair behind Hollis’ ear, feeling the strands of blonde dancing through her fingers.   
“Do you have any idea how often I dreamed about this?”, she whispered.   
Even though she couldn’t see she knew Hollis was smiling. “Literally or ...”   
“Both.” Jack raised her chin.   
“Then do it.” Hollis met her smile, the warmth of it spreading in Jack’s body. “Kiss me, Jack.”   
And she did. This time she initiated. This time she wasn’t hesistant, just purely … in love.

She fought the urge to gently bite her lips hence she didn’t want to rush this, but it was hard, because she knew with every second more her lightheadedness turned into desire. And as she felt Hollis’ hand on her back, low on her back, and even though she couldn’t feel her fingertips on her skin, the touch lit every nerve of hers on fire. Her hands went up into her hair and she deepened the kiss, eliciting a soft, high pitched sign out of her lover’s throat. A sound so tender and almost vulnerable it sent heat into her lower belly, and involuntarily she thought about what else she was capable of, about the other sounds she would make …  
She felt the buckle of Hollis’ belt pressing softly against her stomach and her left hand moved lower to use it to pull her even closer, because she was still too far away, it wasn’t enough – since she knew she could have it all now, that there was no barrier between them anymore, she _needed_ it, every thing, and she was going for it.

…

After they broke apart they found themselves enveloped in silence – but this time it was comfortable. The tension was there, tingling on her spine, the pull in the pit of her stomach too, but … she was calm.

And something shifted. It changed as Hollis hands moved from being wrapped loosely around her hip to play with the hem of her shirt.   
Jack tilted her head back so she could look at her. Hollis met her gaze, eyes unshielded, her guard down.   
And she knew it.

She wasn’t a mind reader, true. But she was great at detecting people’s feelings and reading their faces. And that look on Hollis’ face told her only one thing.

The realization of that meaning turned to feeling in her belly into a burning pull and she felt her heartbeat increase.   
She wasn’t drunk in love anymore. She was so drunk she was already sober again, and now she only wanted one thing more.   
Without hesitation she reached up and placed her fingertips on the first button of Hollis blouse. As she didn’t step back or withdrew, Jack popped it open with one skilled move. She caught her eyes again, and the pulling returned, so strong it was slowly but steadily turning into pure, flaming heat.   
“Is that want you want?”, she asked as softly as she could manage.   
Hollis’ immediate nod gave her goosebumps. “Yes”, she whispered, the answer hoarse.   
Jack lowered her hand and reached for hers, interlacing fingers and gave her a squeeze. “Come on”, she whispered and gently pulled her along.


	4. Exothermic lullaby

Their hands were working in silence, complementary, as if they were a team, slowly undressing each other.   
At one point – the moment after she had pulled the material down her shoulders and arms – Jack stepped in and pressed a long, teasing kiss into her neck and Hollis signed, her head tilted to give her better access. Everything inside her longed for leaving a love bite on her delicious skin, but she refused, not wanting to overstep.

She wasn’t sure how but only the moment as her back touched something cold – which was the wall – she realized that she, herself, wasn’t wearing anything anymore too except her underwear. A bare second later Hollis’ lips found the base of her collarbone and started tracing kissed downwards, and Jack couldn’t help the groan as her lips stayed at the swell of her breasts and her fingertips danced along her sides. It was too much and simultaneously wasn’t enough, it could _never_ be enough, not with her.   
Jack took a deep breath as her hand went into Hollis’ hair, she gently tucked at it and her lover understood. Their lips crushed together for a second time, hungry this time, leaving no space for uncertainties.

This wasn’t new. They had seen each other in bikini and underwear a lot of times, even had made it a goal to one day analyze their favorite colors and forms and let that shed light on secret fond nesses.   
That had been before her crush had developed. She knew if they really would have made it that far … she probably would have fainted on the spot.

This time it was different, though. Because this time Jack knew it would take a whole different turn. She could touch her. This time it would be her to open that clasp, to free her from it.   
This time was different because the sight of Hollis in gorgeous indigo-colored underwear did a lot more to her than just fluttering butterflies.   
And as much as she enjoyed seeing her in them – she rather wanted to get her out of it.

It was her to gently lead Hollis to her bed, her hands steady on her waist, feeling her muscles constrict as she moved. And then Jack wondered about what kind of partner she might be – if she were soft and receiving, or a little demanding, or if she’d take the lead. She had no idea because Hollis practically existed of contradictions …  
Well. She would know soon.   
She climbed on top of her, held herself up with her hands on either side of her head. Hollis placed her hands on her cheeks and pulled her down, their lips met for kisses that went from featherlight to full-tongue passion only within seconds.   
As it turned _too_ heated, Jack broke apart and huffed out a laughter. “I think I need a minute.”   
Hollis chuckled. “You out of breath already?”, she asked, fingertips running up and down Jack’s spine.   
“It has been a long time since I was last in a relationship.” Jack flopped beside her, relaxing on her back.   
Hollis turned on her side. “Oh. And I thought it was because of me.”  
Jack gave her a look. “It IS because of you, believe me.”   
Her partner’s green eyes turned darker, almost emerald. “Well, then …” She turned her body more, her right leg moving around Jack’s, almost trapping her. She was the only one she’d ever let trap her. “… let’s use the moment for you to catch your breath and let me spoil you.”

_And she should catch her breath during that?_

“You are so beautiful”, Hollis whispered against her skin before leaving another kiss right where her breath had heated her up before. Jack closed her eyes and enjoyed her gentle touches, the affection, the softness of all of it. Something about the fact that she had never done this before – with a woman – made the whole thing even more exhilarating. Hollis probably had no idea about what her hands and lips and her warm breath on her overly sensitive skin were doing to her, and the fact she was so careful … it warmed her heart.   
Affectionate. She would be an affectionate lover, a giver _and_ a receiver, now she was sure about that.

“Top or bottom?”, Jack asked into her ear to get back her control.   
“I don’t care”, Hollis whispered back, her fingers putting pressure on her lower back.   
“Flip it is then.”   
Hollis chuckled. “Is this how it’s gonna be?”   
Jack smirked. “If you want to?”  
“All I want is you. I don’t care about how, just about the fact.”   
Jack smiled at her in a loving gaze. “You are so sweet, do you know that?”  
Hollis blinked and looked at her with heavy eyelids. “I can be if I want to.”   
Short silence.   
“I might need a little … guidance later”, she then whispered. Jack bat her eyelids and then smiled. There it was, though. The tiny insecurity.  
“Don’t worry.” She caressed her cheek and kissed her. “You’ll be fine. You’re not a guy, after all.”  
A giggle. “Wow. What a shade.”   
Jack grinned.   
“So it is true then?”  
“What.” She held her face into Hollis’ neck and inhaled her scent, her nose rubbing along her throat. “That sex between women is better than between a pair of male and female?”   
“Mhm.”  
“My personal opinion? Yes.”   
“So you’re saying I missed something?” Within moments her voice had changed into almost an octave deeper and the rumbling sound seem to make her bones vibrate. Jack pulled back and was surprised as Hollis’ lips were on hers only a second later, her arm sliding along hers, as she found their hands she interlaced her fingers with Jack’s and pinned her down.   
And then she flipped so her weight was on Jack’s now, and she could feel almost every centimeter of her body, lithe and sleek and wonderful, and she couldn’t help the sign escaping her throat. This, she, all of it felt even better than in her imagination.   
As she felt Hollis’ thumb moving across her lower belly to her hipbone and back, she inhaled.   
“That’s one of your sweet spots, hu?”, Hollis said, her lips twitching. Jack couldn’t do anything but nod.   
“Good to know.” It was now her flat palm moving back up again and she made to detour to graze the outside of her bra.

_Not so fast. SHE would start as top._

HOW she managed that she wasn’t even entirely sure, oblivious to everything, but apparently she had gotten her wish and Hollis was back on her side, facing her, and now it was her to steady her waist. She brushed over the hem of her underwear, searching for eyes and waiting for an answer. She wasn’t sure what she had expected, but the action happening wasn’t it. Instead of a nod or a kiss Hollis placed her hand on hers, bringing her thumb under the material and pushing it down her hipbone.

Yep. She definitely wasn’t shy, even though this was new land for her.

Jack stilled for a second, feeling her beating heart. She locked eyes with Hollis, flaming green meeting passionate, deep brown. Former jade and whiskey had turned into emerald and ebony, bewitching, tempting, and full of desire.   
She didn’t need to wait a second longer, nor did she want to. She trailed a path of kisses along her breastbone, more south, and used the move to finally free her from the clothing. She was overly aware of the way Hollis’ body was strained from head to toe and she was anticipating it, but she wouldn’t rush.   
_Slow,_ Jack. You need to take this slow.   
Without stopping the contact to her skin she moved back up, her left hand resting on her thigh. She hovered close to Hollis’ face, pressed another kiss on the top of her mouth, then slowly moved her left hand back up along her thigh, to the inside, and finally felt her, all of her.   
She didn’t look but heard Hollis inhale sharply and exhale even louder, and the sound was so _innocent_ it didn’t seem to belong to her at all, didn’t even seem to originate from a human being.   
But there it was again. The contradiction. And that sound was the most wonderful and yet arousing thing she had heard in years.   
“You okay?”, Jack whispered as she eased her way.   
“Yeah”, came back, her voice hoarse and shallow.   
Jack smiled. “Good.” She kissed her through, then the spot right under her jaw, and as she found a _certain_ spot Hollis hissed and her arched her back, and she eased her with calming noises.   
Oh, she would remember that spot.

For the first time since … well, since her fingers were where they were - she propped herself up so she could look at her beautiful, overly beautiful face. All hard and sharp edges were gone, now she was simply … soft and sweet with sparkling, big, green eyes. “Tell me what you like, okay?”   
“Needless.” Her voice was haste, breathless, almost soundless. _Aroused, Jack. That was the word._ “Oh yeah?” She moved her fingers. For the first time she could withdraw a moan out of Hollis’ throat, a moan and her head falling backwards. She felt another pull in her lower belly and smirked in victory. “And why is that?”   
She was surprised by Hollis’ sudden grip around her waist as she pulled her close and the way her hand moved up along her spine.   
“Just read me.”

Never had she imagined these two words to turn out into the sexiest thing she had ever heard.


	5. Coffee, kisses and the spirit of love

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> That's it :) 
> 
> I hope you all enjoyed this angsty, sad, slightly kincky and domestic-fluffy Slollis-story :)
> 
> Would appreciate it if you'd leave some comments!

As Jack woke up the next morning she realized the bed beside her was empty. A moment of panic rushed through her veins, only until she saw Hollis’ jeans on the chair – neatly folded, of course, the brown leather belt in a circle - and the subtle noise of her coffee machine.   
Smiling, Jack relaxed and closed her eyes again.

She was still here. Not even a Hollis Mann would have the patience and audacity to use her coffee machine if she regretted anything.   
Smiling drowsily she snuggled back into the bed, grabbing the pillow from the other side and realizing with joy that it indeed smelled a little like her … well. What was she?   
Girlfriend? Lover?   
She wasn’t sure. She wouldn’t worry about that now. They had time to declare labels later.

Barely a minute later she heard the door of her bedroom opening and was awake within seconds. Her heart fluttered at the sight of Hollis in _her_ yoga pants and her shirt from yesterday, hair combed but still visibly indicating the time of the day, smiling, and carrying two mugs.   
Sneaky thing really just stole her pants.

“Good morning.” Her voice was all sweet honey and raspy fireplace and she already looked forward to hear it all over again.   
Jack smiled. “Morning.”   
“I remember your talent waking up just by the smell of coffee, so I decided to wake you this way.” Hollis sat down beside her. Jack shifted until she could sit up straight, somehow wrapping the blanket around her. Other than Hollis she was still naked, and even though they had seen and explored every inch of the other’s skin the night before she wasn’t fond of sitting there naked.   
As she was seated Hollis handed her one of the mugs and they locked eyes for a moment.   
The flaming emerald had changed back into the mesmerizing light green.

They drank the first sips in silence as Hollis placed her mug down on the bedsite table and shifted closer. She supported herself with her right hand beside Jack’s left hip and before she could react she leaned in and kissed her.   
Her eyes fell shut and her placed her hand in Hollis’ neck, felt her smooth hair between her fingers, the warmth exhuding from her. She tasted the coffee which was just slightly more bitter than her own, mixed with a hint of milk, the aroma and the woman herself adding the perfect spice to her already perfect morning.  
“This really IS a great morning”, Jack whispered against her lips and in-between kisses.   
Hollis giggled and kissed again, before withdrawing and giving her a loving smile. “How are you feeling?”  
Her right eyebrow moved up. “Are you really in need of asking that?”   
Hollis’ lips twisted but something told her she wanted an answer.

Now it was Jack who placed the mug down and who shifted closer. She cupped Hollis’ cheeks and pressed another, loving and very long kiss to her lips. “It was absolutely wonderful.” She caressed her cheekbone, the right one, over that little, cute blemish. She loved it.   
“I have heard about the sensation of an all-female intercourse, and now I can prove these words.”  
Jack giggled at her words and pulled back, smirking at her.   
“God, I love you.”   
Hollis stilled. The cheeky grin on her face disappeared and was replaced with a sudden calmness that made Jack feel like … yes.   
Save. She felt save with her. And she hadn’t had that in a very long time.

She trusted Hollis. She trusted her with every fiber of her body. And she knew they could handle each other at their worst and their best.

Her inner analyst was shut down the moment as Hollis grabbed her hand, squeezed it and held it tight. She whispered her words, but they were so meaningful they had the same amount of power as if she had just shouted it into a megaphone. “I love you too, Jack.” Her thumb moved across the back of her hand, her head tilted. “I was just damn blind to see it.”

She smiled at her. She smiled and her heart danced, and she knew she didn’t have to say anything.   
They got each other. They understood, without words. Because they weren’t only lovers, they were friends.

It was, again, Hollis who leaned in to capture her lips, then pulled the blanket away.   
Immediately Jack’s ears turned hot again and the happy dance of her heart turned into a heated tango.   
“You are a monster”, she muttered between kisses as Hollis trapped her with her body. “This is unfair. You’re in clothes.”   
“Well get me out of them if you want.” There it was again, the fire behind her eyes and the sensual smirk on her lips.   
Jack bit her lip. “Hu. I got myself an insatiable girlfriend.”

Hollis’ giggle was faintly a giggle but more like some deep, hoarse, evil laugh, and Jack wasn’t sure if the sound was a threat or simply another side of her friend/lover/girlfriend/partner she was yet to discover.   
Whatever it was. She LOVED it.

“I hope you don’t mind I stole those.” Hollis tapped against the pants as she was sprayled out half over and half next to Jack, her arm around her waist.   
“Honey, you stole my heart.” She ran her hand across Hollis’ shoulders and and mumbled into her hair: “Feel free to steal my clothes, too, anytime.”  
She felt her stir and pulled back. Hollis moved and propped herself up until she could look at her. The smile dancing over her features made her more beautiful than Jack had ever seen her. “I’ll keep it save. All of it.” She playfully nudged her nose, and though she couldn’t see it, Jack felt her smile against her cheek. “I promise.”

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading.   
> Leave some comments about what you think might happen next or what you liked :)


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